Black Fang Inc
by Cormag Ravenstaff
Summary: Fire Emblem meets Arrested Development, in full dysfunction. Oneshot.


**Shoutout to COOKIECHEESEMAN for giving me this idea! Think of this fic like Fire Emblem meets Arrested Development.**

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 **Black Fang Inc.**

Legault threw the door open and announced, "Family meeting, now."

He, of course, was stepping into the penthouse above Dragon's Gate. Conveniently placed, it housed the heads of the Reed family.

Brendan Reed, patriarch of the family and president of the Black Fang, turned his attention to his youngest son. He gazed with a hint of disapproval, and said, "Don't interrupt me like this."

Legault flicked his eyes over to his mother, Sonia. As usual, she dressed scantily, drawing ninety nine percent of Brendan's attention.

"Interrupting what?" Legault sighed, taking a seat in one of the expensive chairs opposite his parents.

"I was admiring your mother's new dress," Brendan reasoned, looking very ticked off that his alone time with her was ruined.

Sonia giggled, "Bought it today. Doesn't it make me look divine?"

Legault frowned, "This is what I wanted to talk about. Our family's spending is running our company into the ground."

"It's just a dress," Sonia dismissed, waving her hand as if to send off a waiter. "It wasn't that expensive."

"You came complaining to me the other day that you were running out of closet space," Legault pointed out. "Why not wear one of the other hundreds of outfits you own?"

"Now, now," Brendan said in his, 'settle down,' voice. "Your mother deserves to look good when she wants."

"On the company budget?" Legault spoke, his voice nearly raising an octave.

"Speaking of money," came a new voice. "Is there any way I can get a few thousand for my dancing classes?"

Legault turned to see Linus Reed enter the room. "I thought that was just a joke," Legault frowned, looking his older brother in the eyes.

"Hmph!" Linus grumbled. "Just because your dreams of working in the Black Fang came true, doesn't mean you can tear others' apart!"

Throwing his hands in the air, Legault cried, "Get a job, Linus! Make your own damn money!"

"Hey," Brendan chided. "Don't talk to Linus that way."

"You do it all the time!" Legault rebutted.

"He's the boy's father," Sonia spoke on behalf of her husband.

"Don't even get me started on you," warned Legault. "I can remember last week when you told Linus and Lloyd that if they didn't, 'get off their asses and do something with their lives, you'd poison them.'"

"Oh, I said that?" Sonia said, as if forgetting she had said just that. "I must have been drunk."

"You're always drunk," Legault, Linus, Brendan and Lloyd all said, the latter just entering the room.

Lloyd chuckled, "Oh, do calm down, Legault. I'm sure we can all curb our spending habits a bit, if it really is that necessary—"

"Finally, someone gets it!"

"—but first I need a loan," finished Lloyd.

"Is this one of those you intend to pay back?" Legault asked with skepticism.

"Ha, don't be absurd," Lloyd laughed, and Legault chuckled. His mirth was cut short when Lloyd continued, "Loans are just gifts with a different name."

Brendan frowned, "Boy, did you even pay attention in school?"

Whatever Lloyd had to say was interrupted by Sonia's screech. Jaffar, the youngest son, had snuck into the family meeting out of fear of being left out.

"…" Jaffar said.

"Don't _do_ that!" Sonia yelled, whacking Jaffar on the back of his head.

Whimpering, the red haired son fled the room. "Oh, come on!" Lloyd bellowed, and followed his brother into his room.

Linus took the lapse in attention to grab the company checkbook off of the counter and fled out the door. Brendan saw him, but said nothing in hopes of gaining some sort of leverage on the situation.

Sonia stood up, and sighed, "Well, since that seems to be that, I'm going to go get ready for a night on the town. Brendan, honey, leave me a thousand on the counter."

"Yes, dear."

Legault wasn't even surprised. Getting his family to change would never happen.

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 **Author Note: I watched three seasons of Arrested Development, and had to merge it with FE. It had to be done.**


End file.
